Dying of Fear and Living Love

I'm finally posting the sermon I delivered Nov. 8, 2009 at the UCC in San Lorenzo, CA for Stewardship Sunday. At the end are the readings I composed/revised/redacted for use within the service. The first is an adaptation of Psalm 146. The second is a narrative version of the scripture passage for that Sunday.

Dying of Fear and Living Love


Psalm 146 and Mark 12: 38-44



How many of us have ever done something we’re not particularly proud of? Yes. Now, how many of us have been caught in the very act of doing that something? Don’t you sometimes wonder, “How come nobody ever catches me doing something really awesome?” Okay, so then we have to ask ourselves, “How often do I actually do anything really awesome?” I would say that in today’s story from Mark Jesus is reported as having noticed someone doing something really awesome. I would venture to say that most of us would characterize the widow’s actions as a manifestation of generosity.



Generosity comes from the Latin word genere – to engender, to produce, to cause, to be born of, having a common origin. Then the base of generosity is “genus” which has the meaning of “good or noble stock.” So, generosity is that which comes from noble origins and Webster defines generosity as being “noble and forbearing in thought and behavior.” [spoken in a contrived voice of “snobbiness” with hand on heart and nose in air every time I speak this phrase] I think that the term “kingly giving” is probably the best description of generosity. It means to give as if you had inexhaustible wealth. In other words, generosity requires that we not be afraid of not having enough.



Blind giving is not what I am calling for, here. We must be mindful and aware of our motivations for giving. If we are giving as a way of making sure others like and accept us or to cause someone to feel dependent upon us; if we are giving in order to make ourselves look important or magnanimous, or if we are giving in order to hide from pain and fear or for the sake of appreciation and affirmation, then we need first to acknowledge that this is what we are really doing. Mindless giving is never healthy or generous. Generosity requires our mindful attention and careful scrutiny.



We can start by trying to notice our resistance to the impulse to give: we may worry about the future and think we need to hold onto what we have for ourselves or our families, we may have the feeling that we are giving too much, or the thought that it won’t be appreciated enough or that we will somehow be exhausted or depleted from the effort, that we won’t get anything out of it, or that even now we don’t have enough just for ourselves, much less anybody else. Now, consider the possibility that none of these thoughts are actually true. Is it possible that we are keeping ourselves from being capable of generosity by feeding our own fears?



Some of you may have heard this; the word fear could stand for “false evidence appearing real.” Fear definitely distorts our perspective; it causes us to perceive threat where none may exist but it can also most certainly be caused by a real threat. In either case, when we are afraid our concern for our own well-being and even for our own survival outweighs all other considerations and what is considered “civilized” behavior can seem like nothing more than an idealistic luxury.



In fact, every perspective and behavior we label negative – all the –isms such as racism, sexism, agism, classism, prejudice, intolerance, homophobia, injustice, rape, all abuse, thievery, murder, war, and any others you can come up with – act like jagged monoliths that are thrust up through the crusts of our personas from a granite bedrock of fear. These concepts are really enormous and they are embedded so solidly in our cultures and societies that they can almost seem inherent. Even when we recognize our own manifestations of racism and prejudice we can chip away at them our entire lives and barely leave a mark. Every “bad” feeling we manifest – anger, hatred, jealousy, you name it – is deeply rooted in the reeking decomposition of reality that is fear; “false evidence appearing real.”



In other words, when we are afraid, it is impossible for us to actually see things as they are. If we cannot see reality clearly than how can we relate to it with any integrity and authenticity? We can’t. Fear completely distorts reality and our ability to respond to the circumstances of our existence. We become irresponsible, unable to respond consciously and instead we simply react unconsciously to every situation in which we find ourselves. We are completely out of control and at the mercy of our terror. We become our own worst terrorists.



We manifest so much fear in our society that we don’t even recognize it as such but fear is actually our everyday modus operendi; the state of being from which most of us operate on a regular basis. I’m going to give some examples and I don’t mean to cause anyone to feel guilty. I am merely making observations of the ways in which we behave when we are operating from fear. They are not moral or ethical judgments. If you feel sad or sorry because you have done any of these things then your feelings are merely informing you that you have not lived up to your higher purpose for being and you might want to explore ways in which you can better do so.



For instance, if you have passed up the opportunity to give your spare change to the man standing in front of the convenience store begging for coins then you are operating out of a place of fear. You could be afraid that he will use your money to buy alcohol, in which case you are attempting to control him. You could be afraid that if you give him your money you won’t have enough to buy your own lunch and you might have to go hungry until dinner. You could be afraid that he is just pretending to be down on his luck and is really trying to cheat you but that he goes home in a nicer car than yours to a better house than yours to gourmet food and drink and lives it up at the expense of all the rest of us poor schmucks who are gullible enough to just give him our hard-earned wages because he asks.



How many times, when we are presented with the opportunity to be of service to someone else do we pass it by? Believe me, I notice at least one of these moments for myself every day. [relate recent instances] Sometimes I can go back and offer my help. Most often, though, I find that the window of opportunity has been pulled in and latched, the curtains are drawn and the sign in the window just says, “closed.” Perhaps we are afraid that if we offer to lend a hand we will somehow be inconvenienced or that we will get a reputation for being someone who is always good for a handout and then we will never have a moment’s peace.



But you see, the very word “afraid” means “to be put out of peace.” When we are afraid we are cut off from the very source of peace which is Love.



Adyashanti is a Buddhist and a spiritual teacher currently practicing out of San Jose. He teaches that Love is what we are all really most afraid to do. Like so many spiritual teachers, including our own Yeshua bar Yosef, a.k.a. Jesus, Adyashanti defines love as unconditional. Actually Jesus says that love is unconditional; Adyashanti says that Love is “indiscriminant.” Love loves what is.



Real love has its roots in the word “leave” which has the connotation of “permission.” Love loves what IS. Love doesn’t judge something worthy, it discerns the intrinsic value of that upon which its gaze lands and loves it because its very existence causes it to be worthy of love. In the eyes of love there is no thing or being that is not worthy. In other words, real love really IS unconditional. This is how Jesus can tell us that God IS Love.



How often have we heard this phrase; God is love? What in the world does that really mean? It’s actually very difficult for us to comprehend the meaning of the term “unconditional love” because we don’t often practice or experience it ourselves. What we most often experience is attachment. Attachment is what the Buddhists call the “near enemy” of love. Attachment masquerades as love, it feels like love but it is essentially different. When it says, “I love you,” it really means, “I’m attached to you and I need you to make me whole.” But real love is complete in and of itself. That’s how God can be Love. Is there anything you can imagine God needing? Is God in any way lacking or somehow incomplete? Nope. So if God is Love then any state of being that is less than unconditional, no matter how caring, affectionate, compassionate or adoring is not love. It may be a wonderful feeling and positive and productive state of being but it falls short of being love.



So, what do love and fear have to do with generosity? Well, the opposite of love is not hate; it is fear. Fear is that which keeps us from being able to love. Fear and love cannot coexist in the same state of consciousness. Fear is the only thing that can, for all intents and purposes, separate us from God’s unconditional and eternal love. Not that God stops loving us but that we, in our fear, are unable to embrace or even to perceive God’s love. We do it to ourselves. In this manner we are literally dying of fear because our source of life is the generosity of Creator God’s love and when we separate ourselves from the source of life we die. God’s generosity could be called “living love” because it is a love that is alive and tangible and acting in the world as generosity.



It is this boundless generosity that God fore-gives us. The word forgive literally means “to give before.” We have turned it into a synonym for “pardon.” But if God’s love is unconditional then there is nothing to pardon. Here’s another interesting fact: the word “sin” is so old that it’s original meaning in Sanskrit cannot actually be discerned but it seems to mean something like “guilt;” not guilt as in blame but as in “feeling ashamed.” Is it possible that we are the ones who are shaming and blaming ourselves? Is it possible that God is fore-giving us all of the unconditional love we could ever need in order to live fully and freely and without fear that we are somehow not good enough or broken or damaged or any of the things we declare ourselves to be in our insistence that we are unworthy of God’s love? Could this be the very message of Jesus’ death and resurrection: that God’s love not only frees us from sin (a.k.a guilt) but that death itself is only an illusion because even when we spend our entire lives here being afraid and putting ourselves out of God’s love and peace in the end, we simply cannot be separated from God?



So here we are, all these billions of frightened little beings, like “Night of the living dead,” running around raging and hating and hurting and stealing and killing and just generally being “out of peace.” Sometimes we can act like we love but we are really just attached because we are afraid that we are incomplete without whatever it is that we’ve attached ourselves to. We pretend to be giving because we want people to think that we are generous; that is, “noble and forbearing in thought and behavior,” but we’re really just afraid somebody’s going to figure out how afraid we are and what frauds we are. Remember, real generosity requires us to be able to give without fear.



In his book Meditation for Beginners Jack Kornfield relates this true story of two young children that illustrates the quality of generosity living love. An eight-year-old girl was very sick from a rare type of blood disease. The family and their physician searched all over for a donor and found that only the little girl’s six-year-old brother could save her life.



So, the doctor and mother asked the boy if he would be willing to give his blood to help his sister. The boy listened to their explanation and request and then asked them for some time to think about it. After three days the boy approached his mother and said, “I’m ready to talk about it, now.” So they discussed the little girl’s situation and what the procedure would be like and the boy agreed to do it.



The next day the family went together to the doctor’s clinic and the doctor laid one cot next to the other so that the children could see each other while a bottle of blood was taken from the young boy’s arm and put into his weak sister’s body.



As his blood drained into the bottle and then across into his sister’s body the boy could literally see the life coming back into her. Finally, he called for the doctor to come over so he could whisper a question into the doctor’s ear because the boy did not want his sister to overhear. He asked, “Doctor, will I begin to die right away?”



You see, the little boy had not understood that when you give your blood to help another it is only part of your blood, not all of it. That is why it had taken him three days to make the decision to die in order to save his sister.



He was willing to give everything he had and in that manner the little boy gave more than anyone else. He released his fear of dying and found that he had love enough, an inexhaustible wealth of love, to give for the sake of his sister. It was a “kingly gift,” indeed.



When we release our fear, that which is killing us by separating us from the source of live-giving love, we find that we have at our disposal an inexhaustible supply of unconditional, indiscriminant and eternal love with which to manifest true generosity; that which is “noble and forbearing in thought and behavior.” We find that we are not just giving but that we are the very manifestation of generosity which is living love. Let’s get caught in that act!



Please pray with me:



Holy Presence within us, we are willing to release all fear in order to know true forgiveness and to recognize each person as part of You. Let our words and our actions serve only to manifest Your unconditional love in the world. May they heal and comfort and harmonize our lives and the lives of those around us. Thank You, God.



Psalm 146

One: Alleluia!

All: I Praise you God with my whole self!

My very existence is a tribute to You and I praise You just by living.

One: There is no safety or security in those people and institutions

who seem to be in control of this world;

All: they will not live forever and all of their supposed power and wealth will be revealed as nothing more than smoke and ashes.

One: Those who know and trust You,

All: the beloved God whom Jacob knew,

One: The gracious Creator of our world and of all that exists;

All: You are the source of all our hope who will never fail us.

One: Divine Soul of the Cosmos, You declare justice for the oppressed,

All: Food for the hungry,

One: Freedom from all captivity,

All: Clarity for the perplexed.

One: You empower the powerless

All: And love to see Your Love manifested in the world.

One: You especially notice those whom we most marginalize and disregard

All: And you comfort the loneliest and the least among us,

One: Thus putting to shame the self-serving acts of the powerful

All: And the perpetrators of oppression, injustice and fear.

One: Your realm of Love and Peace has always been directly within our reach

All: And we recognize that we may manifest it at any moment we choose.

One: Your promise of Heaven for all is present and eternal in every moment

All: And so I praise you, My amazing God, with all that I am. Alleluia!

Psalms for the Third Millennium, by L. D. Gittings © Pending







Gospel Reading: Mark 12:38-44



Jesus, as he continues to teach, warns those listening, “Pay attention to the ones who would have you think they are holy and pious because they wear fancy vestments and have important jobs titles. They garner public respect and sit in the best seats at the feasts only for the sake – they insist – of their religious station and in order to honor God. They do not really care about the downtrodden and the suffering and they will get what they deserve.”



Jesus sits down across from the treasury-box in the temple into which all kinds of people are throwing their money from clinking, tinkling and jangling bags. Then he notices, almost hidden among those in that rowdy row of rich people, very polite and submissive, a widow with her two five-cent pieces carefully knotted in her handkerchief.



She steps in front of the box unknotting her coins; the others in line are getting impatient already and as she fumbles with her handkerchief she drops her two five-cent pieces…but before she can even think to bend down to pick them up the man behind her is roughly shoved forward. He grabs her by the shoulders and carefully lifts her to one side in order to avoid knocking her over but her coins are trampled under the sandals of wealthy feet so that she is unable to retrieve them for her tithe. With a stricken, though resigned expression on her face the woman turns and shambles away.



Jesus stands up and, caught by surprise, his disciples quickly stand, as well. To their astonishment they hear him declare, almost as if to himself, “She had so little and yet she gave all she had; everything. She gave more than anyone else.”



By L. D. Gittings, an expansion on the passage by Joseph G. Donders “His Widow’s Complex,” in The Jesus Community: Reflections on the Gospels for the B-Cycle (Maryknolle, N.Y.; Orbis Books, 1981) 282-284.